Ice Skating - Transformers Edition
by LadyAnatar
Summary: Autobots - Giant, autonomous robotic organisms, ostensibly from the planet Cybertron. Made of metal and tons of it notwithstanding, several of them, particularly the resident scientists, wish to try ice skating. Heaven help that poor ice...


Ice Skating – Transformers Edition

_Author's Notes: I've been meaning to break into the Transformers fandom for a while now with limited success. As it is nearing Christmas and I have no idea what to get my trans-fan nut of a friend, this seemed like the perfect solution. This story was developed from a bunny that she sent me, given down at the bottom of the story. You should check out her stories; they are excellent! On a rather amusing, not to mention ironic, note, she has also just posted something using this same bunny._

_ Major thanks to Paver83 for betaing._

_ Merry Christmas, Exactlywhat! Hope you like!_

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_Disclaimer: I do not own the Transformers franchise. Nor do I own the original plot bunny._

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Perceptor peered at the scene curiously. "I understand that the lake has frozen, but why are Spike and Carly strapping shoes with sharp metal attached to the soles onto their feet?"

With a smile, Bumblebee explained. "It's called ice skating. They put on the skates, and once they find their balance, slide over the ice much faster than they can just by walking. Basically, they just do it for fun. And if they become good enough, some humans can do some rather fantastic tricks on them." The yellow minibot wiggled with excitement before revealing, "We managed to cobble a pair of skates together for me! I hope I don't fall too much."

Thoughtfully, Perceptor left Bumblebee and strode over to the young adults. Ice skating seemed to be a harmless enough activity. Perhaps, if he determined the safety of the ice, more than just Bumblebee could try.

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"…and according to my results and some assistance from Wheeljack, the ice is thick enough for everyone Grimlock's size and under to attempt skating with little to no danger of the ice cracking. So long as no more than three large bots are upon the ice at once."

Curious despite his sense of foreboding, Optimus asked the most pressing question. "How exactly did Wheeljack help?"

Perceptor's amused smile greeted the hesitant inquiry. "Nothing dangerous, I assure you. He built a machine that freezes a deeper amount of the water surface than happens naturally. Wheeljack himself is very eager to attempt ice skating himself."

Nodding, the Prime launched his next question. "And what are you planning on for skates?"

"I have developed a design where one simply slips a firm strap over the top of one's foot. The metal blade is attached to the platform that is connected to the strap. The device itself has been tested; we currently have ten pairs of various sizes, except for the minibots. As Bumblebee has already proved competent for a beginner, they each desired their own pair."

Shortly thereafter and several more questions later, Optimus granted permission. "Alright, Perceptor. You may try this experiment. Good luck, and feel free to inform the crew when you wish to steal an afternoon."

Perceptor nodded. "Thank you very much, Prime. I will do so shortly." Standing, he stepped lightly towards the door before pausing. "You realize, Prime, that one of those pairs will fit yourself?"

Optimus' intakes froze momentarily. "I had not. Thank you for pointing that out, and I will give the matter further thought."

The calm microscope smiled and turned again to leave. "My pleasure."

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"So, you want us to place blades under our feet, scuff up our finishes, potentially fall into freezing water, constantly slam to the ground, and look like utter fools?!" Although confused as to the reasoning, everyone could hear the rage in Sunstreaker's voice.

Perceptor blinked in shock, before hurriedly reassuring, "It most certainly is not mandatory! I simply thought that it would be an enjoyable exercise."

The harsh soldier snorted. "Then count me out. I refuse to take part in such a moronic activity." With that, he stalked out of the room, still muttering under his breath.

A small blat of static interrupted the surprised silence. "You'll have to forgive him; this really is not his thing. But while we're on the subject," Sideswipe interjected smoothly, "I won't be trying either."

Surprised murmurs filled the room, and Perceptor managed to answer. "Of course. If I may ask, why not? This particular activity seems like something the two of you especially would enjoy. Are you positive?"

Sideswipe plastered on a cheerful look. "Forget it. Sunny'n' I'll sit on the sidelines and laugh at the rest of you." Noting the curious and disbelieving faces surrounding him, he heaved a sigh before elaborating. "We've already had an experience like this, on another base earlier in the war. It involved a prank gone wrong, wax and other unnamed, slippery substances all over the floor, and the worst consequences we've had _ever_." He shivered. "So. Much. Pain…" His voice trailed off, gaze distant, before shaking himself with a start. "Be that as it may, some of our former comrades remember things differently, and those two humans and Bumblebee certainly seem to enjoy themselves. Have fun, and break a leg!" With that, the frontliner left to join his brother, mind already working furiously on how to capture his comrades' imminent humiliation.

"Ah'm not sure if Ah wan'ta know exactly wha' happened tah them," Jazz mused, staring after them. "but wha'ever i' was, i' sure did a number on 'em."

"Agreed." Focusing once more on the matter at hand, Perceptor regained the crowd's attention. "Excluding Sunstreaker and Sideswipe, does anyone wish to try?"

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As it turned out, a respectable percentage of the Autobots did. Looking back, however, only a few notables, coincidentally the first group to try skating, truly stood out. Although they had already obtained skates, the minibots as a whole decided to try their attempt later, when the likelihood of a larger bot falling on them diminished. Of the distinguished skaters, Jazz volunteered first, and cheerfully volunteered Prowl at the same time. Perceptor and Wheeljack, of course, who wished to test their devices personally. Alone out of his brothers, Swoop had wanted to see if he could "fly" over the water on his legs as well as in the air. Finally, Prime tentatively agreed, his feeling of foreboding not lessening at all.

On the fateful afternoon, the Autobots unanimously elected to let Jazz and Prowl try first. With the peanut gallery (read: the Twins) gleefully watching from the shoreline, recording devices in hand, the commanders properly strapped on their skates. Once finished, Jazz bravely slid forth onto the ice. The watching humans were impressed; Jazz managed to last a whole ten seconds before crashing gracelessly onto his aft. Determinedly, he clambered back to his feet, and promptly flopped onto his torso with a _crack_.

Amidst the heckling and laughter, Prowl carefully moved to a nearby edge. Before stepping onto the ice, he turned back towards the crowd. "Skyfire! Would you please assist me?"

Looking at the second in command in surprise, the jumbo-sized scientist nonetheless answered, "Certainly, Prowl. What would you like me to do?"

"Simply extend your arm out far enough over the ice so that I will have a suitable handhold. Once I have my bearings, I will let go."

Bemusedly, the shuttle ambled over to the ice's edge and offered his arm. Prowl delicately took it and began testing his abilities, balance, and needs for that particular activity. Five minutes later, he pushed firmly off of his floating support and glided, slowly and carefully, towards the center of the lake.

"Now tha's," a now upside-down Jazz commented, "just nah fair. How'd yah manage ta learn so quickly?"

Carefully spinning to face his bond-mate, Prowl archly replied, "Logic dictates gathering information and practicing before the impeding event. Not to mention," a slight smirk threatened, "letting someone else go first."

"Glad ta be o' service," the saboteur responded wryly, then returned his attention to at least _trying_ to succeed.

"Me Swoop's turn next!" the excited Dinobot chattered.

Perceptor regarded Swoop thoughtfully. "I have no problems with it. Be careful, and do not forget to start farther away from Jazz."

"Me Swoop understands!" After double-checking the skates, Swoop gathered his balance and thrust forward onto the slick surface. To most everyone's surprise, Swoop, while not as graceful as Prowl, managed to stay upright with minimal wind-milling.

A chuckle was heard from Skyfire, still standing by the lake's edge. "Very clever, Swoop." To the rest of the Autobots, the large flier explained, "He is using his wings for balance. Additionally, he can correct himself whenever he feels the slightest bit off-balance."

Overhearing, Jazz, who had just fallen down again, groaned. "Ah'm takin' tha' as a cue ta take mah leave." He threw a pleading look in his mate's direction. "Hey, Prowler? Any chance tha' ya could tow your poor, helpless bond-mate to shore? Ya jus' need ta drag meh. Ah'm perfectly conten' lyin' down."

Peering at his horizontal mate in amusement, Prowl nevertheless drew near and seized his bonded's servos. "Whoever wishes to skate next should get ready. Jazz and I are finished for today." After he finished his statement, the second officer began towing his grumbling mate off the lake and swiftly divested himself of his skates.

Ignoring his superior officers, Perceptor raked his eyes over the next few mechs. "Who wishes to go next?"

Bumblebee, who had elected to sit and watch the show, piped up. "Why not you and Wheeljack? Doesn't seem fair to not let you two have fun after all that work."

Optics flickering, Perceptor considered the idea before turning to the audience. "Are there any objections?"

At the negative-toned rumble, the partners efficiently strapped on the skates.

"Hey, Skyfire! Would you be willing to lend a hand to Perceptor and me as well?"

"Of course!"

"Great!" Helm-fins flashing merrily, Wheeljack stood and minced over to the ice, shortly followed by the microscope. "Well, here goes nothing!"

Each gripping one of Skyfire's arms, the scientists attempted to stand on unsteady legs. Sadly for them, neither of them were able to let go of their larger counterpart at all quickly. Both slipped and slid all over the surface, only remaining upright due to Skyfire's support.

Watching his smaller friends fail miserably, Skyfire recalled several scenes that he had watched in various human television shows. Quickly connecting to their comm, he sent, _Perceptor, Wheeljack! Get a good grip on my hands, stiffen your legs, and let me pull you around._

Trusting the shuttle's judgment, both mechs obediently followed his commands. Once Skyfire felt that they would not slip from his grasp, he began gently hauling them in circles, zig-zags, and other patterns. The other bots quickly figured out what their geeks were playing at, and began cheering on the dancers. Several of the more knowledgeable crew members even offered suggestions for simple dance moves.

"Someone else can take me Swoop's place!" The exuberant holler snatched everyone's attention from the frolicking trio, and optics widened at the sight. Swoop madly dashed from one side of the lake to the other, gaining speed all the while. Just before he reached the edge, the tall mech rocketed himself into the air with a whoop.

"Bring back those skates sometime this evening!" Wheeljack bellowed after his errant charge. Swoop didn't exactly answer; he merely began cackling delightedly before flying out of earshot.

"I vote Prime goes next." Smokescreen's voice broke the sudden quiet, the gambler's optics twinkling mischievously.

To Prime's poorly-hidden dismay, everyone agreed that he deserved to. Reluctantly fastening on the skates, Optimus carefully stepped towards the frozen water. Tearing away his gaze, he fixed it on the spinning microscope. "Perceptor, are you positive that this will not crack under my weight?"

"Of course, Prime." Optimus had to admit; he was impressed that Perceptor could answer so calmly while being spun around in such a dizzying circle. "We ran specific calculations just to be sure."

"Thank you." Staring at the ice again, Optimus in-vented deeply. _Well, here goes nothing_. Tentatively, he leaned forward and stepped fully onto the ice. Immediately, the ice creaked, groaned, and shattered. With an almighty splash, Prime hurtled into the freezing, and fortunately shallow, water. Spluttering, he shot out of the water and onto his feet, immediately opening up his mask and allowing water to drain back into the lake.

From his position securely in Skyfire's arms, Wheeljack's helm fins flashed a muted pink. "Hey, Perceptor? Did we think to take into account what multiple, high-force collisions would do to the ice, and what would happen afterwards when a large person would step on it?"

"Ah, no. We did not." Firmly clasped in Skyfire's other arm, Perceptor glanced at the exact place the ice cracked. "My goodness, Jazz has a hard helm."

At his illuminating comment, the entire audience broke out of its shocked spell and began laughing. Prime himself simply undid his skates, gathered his dented dignity around himself like a cloak, and walked to the _Ark_ and presumably the wash racks.

After Skyfire had set him down, Perceptor gained the crowd's attention. "I am saddened to say that ice skating is over for today. With any luck, those who still wish to will be able to try within the next couple of days."

Laughter broke out from where a tight knot of mechs were standing. "All right, everyone," Sideswipe cheerfully. "You heard the mech. To the rec room, where there is heat, no ice to trip oneself on, and most importantly," his voice changed in pitch to a conspiratorial sound, "the images that we took of everyone; _especially_ Prime and Jazz. Now, who's with me!"

Not waiting for an answer, the chaos magnet charged for the _Ark_, followed by the whole, happy crowd; everyone delighted from a pleasant, silly day of fun.

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3) There is a frozen lake outside the ARK; the bots try their hand at ice-skating. Jazz flops, Prowl glides and Optimus is unsure whether the Ice will even hold his weight. (set in winter in G1)

_ Second Author's Notes: For the record, I have no idea whether or not most of the Transformers could actually, feasibly ice skate, at least on Earth. Math is not my strong point, but frankly, neither is reality. Oh, and I have no idea from whom that bunny originated. To whoever it was, thanks!_


End file.
